Pella Wanwar
by Unnamed.in.whispers
Summary: After the desolation of Smaug and the battle of the five armies, all survivors have to rebuild and heal. For Tauriel it seems an impossible task, were it not for her King.
1. Chapter 1

Title: Pella Wanwar Pairing: Tauriel/Thranduil

Series: The Hobbit [Films 2012-2014]

Rating: T Type: Fanfiction

Summary: After the desolation of Smaug and the battle of the five armies, all survivors have to rebuild and heal. For Tauriel it seems an impossible task, were it not for her King.

Disclaimer: I don't own any of The Hobbit characters or anything from the universe of The Lord of the Rings. I am just taking the characters and playing with them a while – promising to restore them whole and unblemished! Thanks t Tolkien for creating these toys for me to enjoy. Please don't take any of my playing as having any bearing on the actual series. Enjoy.

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When he found her there, in the ruins of Ravenhill; shattered herself, he finally accepted the pain that flooded through her.

He let her weep.

Kili was gone; she had never known pain such as this… but then, she had never known love. She had only known loyalty and duty.

All her life… all the years bound by honor were nothing, but for that moment in his eyes.

It stretched out in a splintered time that let them share eternity… In that moment they lived a lifetime; they loved more than words could express. Their lives together would have been full and joyful… they would have remained with the humans of Dale and their descendants married into the Dale generations for centuries until Kili grew weary and their great-great-grandchildren needed them no longer. Tauriel would have taken Kili west to the undying lands, there to a contented end…

Reality filtered through the remembered dream; she felt for the shattered vision that settled in the shadows… the truth crept about and veiled her abused and battered frame was almost too much to endure; he was gone.

Yet her heart beat on… her lungs continued to breathe…

She held his motionless body; Kili of Durins folk… and closed his lifeless eyes; his loss ripped a hole in her chest; tears streamed down her face to think she could have changed his fate… and she acknowledged her King, caring little for how she appeared… simply hollow…

She was raw and told him that if what she was feeling was love then she wanted no part of it…

Thranduils ice-sharp eyes observed her and he seemed to soften… he told her her pain was simply because what she had felt and shared with Kili was real.

Her King stood watch over her as she cried and he gently pulled her upward when Kilis kin arrived to take his body to the mountain he had fought so hard to liberate.

Tauriels strength was waning as she approached the Lonely Mountain but Thranduil bent his frame about her and took her weight. Comforted and supported by the King of Mirkwood, she was guided to her loves final resting place.

There, in a tomb of his forbears, Kili rested atop a cold and unwelcoming lump of stone, the last in the line of his brother, Gili, and his cousin, Thorin Oakenshield. And Tauriel was placed at the foot of his Sarcophagus as the dwarves, men and elves about her paid their respects to the fallen heroes of battle.

To her surprise, the battle-hardened Tauriel had become numb, deaf to any and all offers of solace granted by those who knew Kili and others who simply owed him their lives.

Thranduil had left her for a time, never truly too far away but enough distance to allow her grief while he spoke with Bard, now leader of the men in Dale, and Dain, now King under the mountain and ruler of Erebor and Lord of the Iron Caves. She heard them speak, not too far away, of burying the dead, of clearing the fallen Orc and debris of battle, of a new union and of sharing the wealth.

Time became meaningless to Tauriel over the following days, she was aware of all around her… she simply didn't care.

Eventually, she was removed from the space, Thranduil insisting she take rest and soothe her pains in the great baths, take a meal and rejuvenate, promising she could return once Kili had been attended to as per his people's rituals.

She wasn't keen to do this, but allowed herself to be gathered once more in her Kings arms and led away; all she knew was that there was comfort in the circle of his embrace and peace in allowing another to make decisions for her.

Tauriel was taken to her room and left to sleep; which found her easily.

She awoke at some point, days later, still numb and letting one moment fall into the next… washing and dressing in her freshly laundered garments.

The dwarves and men held their burial rites and Kili passed into legend.

"What now of Tauriel?" Thranduil asked after the ceremonies had passed by and were the memories of another season.

She stood at the foot of the sarcophagus, recognising the still statue of Kili and feeling as though she was stone herself. "What of her?"

The King tilted his head; his ice-aqua eyes attempting to pierce her resolve; she had none…

"I cannot leave you here…"

She shook her head, "And where would you take me to escape this…"

"Home," he said. There was no further point to make.

The King reasoned there was nothing for her in Erebor… that there was no reason in her prolonged suffering…

So when she agreed to leave she was surprised to be honored by Bard and his children… all three little ones had thanked her, giving her tokens for saving their lives… Tauriel accepted, not truly seeing them.

And before leaving Erebor for the final time, Thranduil took his leave of the Dwarves and Men and looked to Tauriel, who was stopped at the gate by Dain who gave her a stern gaze.

"I owe you something," the Dwarf Lord informed the elf.

"I do not believe so," she answered quietly.

"Aye, I do," he confirmed, sniffing loudly and turning to his side, "for the kindness you showed my kin…"

A page stepped forward with a chest and handed it to Dain, who turned to fix Tauriel as he moved the proffered item into her hands, "This is now yours."

She looked down at the chest in her hands… "What…?"

"You don't open that until you reach Mirkwood…" Dain told her and shot a look to Thranduil, "And you remember the gift is bestowed on you and your descendants alone."

Tauriel accepted the gift; she had no energy to question or argue… and from there she was drawn to Thranduil, who lifted her onto his Great Stags son…

"His name is Pella Wanwar," he informed her… I named him for three hearts I know continue beating through the loss they have faced…"

Pella turned his great head and looked to her; his antlers were slightly smaller than his fathers, but he was still an impressive sight to behold.

She placed her hand on his snout and watched his eyes close in acceptance, "On the borders of lost…" and she raised his head to look into his soul, "You will do your father honor."

The stag stood all the taller; one heart on the road to healing, so she turned to the second.

"He is magnificent, My Lord."

"He is yours," The King stated, his eyes lighting when reading her surprise, "he is the younger son of my own, fallen steed."

Taureil looked at once to the pain in his eyes, "My Lord…"

"Master him well," the King informed her, holding her eyes, "and he will always be true to you."

_Those eyes_, she thought, _they bore more the deeper once you looked beyond the surface. _

And beyond that ice, that coolness, there was a maelstrom of loss and hurt… which she understood now.

She had heard of how Legolas had left after the final battle; she knew his father would feel that absence, for the truth of it was she felt it also.

Legolas was kingly; he was honest, he was kind and true. If only she could have loved him as she was supposed to… he was a fine figure, cutting a swath that could only be etched in the most perfect depictions of all great artisans, new and ancient. None could deny his beauty… for he was perfection.

And yet…

Tauriel could not deny Legolas… should he but say the word and she would be at his side in all things, save one…

She had once, briefly, entertained the notion that their mutual appreciation could bend to romance… but knowing Thranduil would never permit his son and heir to court a lowly Silvern Elf from an ancient militia line, she had dismissed the idea and had never permitted it time again to ponder on.

She looked her King now; much changed by recent events, uncertain of how he would view the situation now. He was willing to accept the love she had borne for a Dwarf… could he accept a loosening of suitor-ship standings within Elven society?

Tauriel realised she had been stood, motionless, for too long… she moved to tie the chest to her steeds saddle, to find Thranduil assisting her.

The King was helping her loop buckles about the case…

When their hands touched, there was a flash and she met his eyes, knowing at once how isolated and uncertain the stoic leader of the Elves felt; over the loss of his soldiers, over the absence of his son and through the youthful bonds he had formed with one-time opponents.

He was just as much on the borders of lost as she was.

Tauriel found her hand closing on Thranduils, hoping to offer support and comfort…

The Kings expression softened, his lips curving before he leaned to her and placed a kiss upon her forehead, the gesture surprising all about them…

Thranduil then straightened, turned on his heel and strode toward the head of the troupe, his head held higher, his back straightened and his hand resting on the hilt of Orcrist, the elven sword Thorin had borne when first stepping foot into Mirkwood.

Tauriel looked about her to the soldiers, mounted and stood in formation, awaiting the marching order and doing their very best not to acknowledge the display she had been a part of… so then she looked to the humans and dwarves, who were all giggling and whispering amongst themselves…

A confused tumble of emotion filled her chest, making her gulp back the sensation… she hadn't felt anything for some time allowing the swirl to shake through her until she looked to Pella whose steady gaze calmed her.

She climbed into his back, the stag whinnying in appreciation…

And the company began moving through the gates and leaving Erebor in the past.

Tauriel breathed, looking ahead and following her King; knowing that whatever was to come, she and all about her must heal… it was the way of the world… and the heart.


	2. Chapter 2

Another winter passed in Mirkwood, followed by spring, summer and autumn… one year and another… and the captain of the border guards remained within her chambers, hardly leaving and even when she did attend the court or meals she did not linger, remaining only to oblige duty.

Five years passed as easily as the sun rises after dusk… she hadn't changed. There was no outward sign of the years passing on her clear and perfect skin. There wasn't even a scar.

Nothing.

Yet Kili was still gone but the pain remained.

And Tauriel had nothing to show for it… except the gift Dain had handed her all that time ago.

It had taken her years to bring herself to even open the chest, but one unimportant day she found herself at the table where it had sat since her return to Mirkwood.

As the lid lifted, a bass and resounding shock filtered through her as her fingers wound about the white gems of Lasgalen.

The very gems that almost caused a war…

But by the light of the stars the jewels became their own creation, shining and breathtakingly beautiful… and all hers.

Tauriel had shut the box.

There had been a rush of emotion she had not expected; being devoid of anything for such a length of time, Tauriel had difficulty processing what she was feeling…

She couldn't possibly keep the jewels.

They weren't Dains to give nor hers to keep.

She had to hand them over to Thranduil…

But what would the consequences of that action be? Would it lead to further mistrust between elves and dwarves? Would it even cause mistrust between elven-kind?

Tauriel sighed and thought again… noticing, with some surprise that for the first time in a very long time, even if only for a moment, she had not thought of Kili.

And so, she pondered what to do; days may have passed… even weeks…

And once she had reached the conclusion of simply doing nothing about the gift; allowing the notion to settle in her mind… she found a strange void in want of another subject to consider…

Tauriel took her time to bathe and look about her rooms for something to read or an activity, such as painting, to indulge in… and found none.

Mereth Nuin Giliath was, once again, upon the forest and the wines and spirits flowed through the celebrations with ease and joy…

It had been seven years since she had spoken of this night with Kili… it had taken her a while to calculate this, given the years of self-imposed isolation.

Perhaps it was time.

Not really wanting to, Tauriel left her chambers and made her way to the festivities, departing at a time she knew the majority of her kin would have had their fill and already retired…

Some of her previous subordinates cheered to see their Captain and she, briefly, joined them in a raised glass of wine and cheerful recount of their latest purge of the forest against the spiders of the north.

The festival of light had hit the highest point in the sky, when all the stars shone their brightest and as she reached the tallest tower she was overtaken with the beauty and wonder of light; it bathed and soothed her, blanching out all sorrow until there was only bright existence.

Life.

Oh how special that gift and knowledge was…

"Tauriel?"

Startling at the voice of her king, the once-Captain of the Guard span about to see him, showered in starlight, resplendent and breathtaking…

His skin sparkled and his platinum hair glowed as he approached…

Tauriel steadied herself… "My Lord."

"What are you doing here?"

"It is Mereth Nuin Giliath, my Lord," she answered as he joined her at the balcony, looking out to the night, "I am taking joy in the celebration."

Hardly making a sound the King moved to her side, still looking out to the horizon and answering, "I had thought you unable to feel joy for the longest time, Tauriel…" then he turned to her, "What has changed?"

And she thought on it… "Nothing…" she answered, watching the blinking life and death of a million years play out in the canvas above her, "and everything."

The King nodded, resting close to her and breathing for a moment; in awe of their view…

"May I ask why you are here, my Lord?"

Thranduil laughed a little and looked to her, eyes glittering, "Did you think you were the only one to walk these paths?"

How was it he always made her feel a little foolish? Perhaps it was a sign of a great King and Leader, to display such regal surety in their words… And, perhaps it was something else…

"You once accused me of holding no love in my heart…" the King continued, looking out to the night sky to avoid her gaze. Tauriel wondered if it was due to his fear of her repose… but when there came none, Thranduil continued… "I had such great love, once… true, bright and incandescent. When it was lost to me, so suddenly and without warning, I believe I chose to feel nothing rather than allow that pain to bleed through into my everyday life."

Tauriel knew he spoke of Legolas' mother, and felt a pull in her chest and reached out a hand to place it on his shoulder.

The King looked to the touch before returning his eyes to the starlight, "I allowed myself to remain in that dark place, filled with only paranoia and control… believing I was saving those around me from my own failings… protecting them from the pain I endured. Centuries of distancing myself from those around me. I grew cold to all; even those I sought to guard against my own sorrow."

"No one should feel like this, my Lord," Tauriel admitted, allowing the emotion to raise to the surface slightly, "No one should see how it hurt me… no one should have to suffer my loss but myself."

He turned quickly, gathering her smaller hands in his own and drawing them to his lips, "No, my girl, don't you see… That was my mistake and it can't be yours."

Tauriel hesitated, "I am not sure I can feel what you wish me to, my Lord."

"No, no, no…" Thranduil rushed to take her fully into his arms, swaying to offer comfort, "Tauriel… It is not that I wish you to feel, it is only that I wish you to express it and heal."

"To heal…" Tauriel wondered, "if it is possible, I should like to heal one day."

"Is that what you fear?" Thranduil asked, his soft voice gaining something near compassion… "You fear you are no longer capable of feeling anything… even love?"

Tauriel hesitated… "What if…" Perhaps she was… "What if I am…" drawing back a little, she took a breath and asked in a quiet voice, "…now… broken?"

Thranduil observed her a while, his face an alabaster cast of wide-eyed thought.

He sighed, "If you were truly broken…" the King soothed, "you would not have such thoughts."

And Tauriel supposed what he said must be truth; only the broken would believe the world numb and find it normality.

She knew there was more.

"I promise you," Thranduil breathed, folding her into his embrace, "I will show you how to heal."

There were doubts but at that moment, in the starlight, she found nothing to counter his assumption.

"Daughter of the Forest…" He gave her just the slightest squeeze, denoting affection, "Perhaps you can also teach me the same lesson."

And then she realised that he did this, not only for her, but to also reclaim that part of himself that had been lost all those years ago.

The stars shone brightly and she breathed in his arms… why not allow herself to heal? Why not heal another while becoming whole once more?

Tauriel relaxed in the Kings arms.

For now, she let the light shine upon them.


	3. Chapter 3

Pella ran like a free spirit through the forest.

It was revitalising; refreshing the soul.

Tauriel had much to consider.

It had now been eight years since Azog had killed Kili in the battle to take Erebor; eight years had passed and it still felt as though it was only yesterday.

The pain was fresh and continued to sting.

All there was to show for the passage of time was the strength in Pellas muscle and the height to which he had grown. He was now many summers old and a magnificent stag; Tauriel was very proud of him. She even thought he could rival Thranduils steed, once he was of age.

There was nothing like the freedom she felt when riding with him… it was as close to feeling at one with the earth as there was.

But as hard as they both tried; they were, neither of them, entirely whole.

She did not know his reasons.

But she knew hers.

So, to find peace, she found herself at the tallest tower again, staring out to the stars and thoroughly unsurprised her King was at her side; it had been his place for many moons now…

"Legolas took me to that place," Tauriel admitted one unimportant nigh. "He said there was no grave and no memory…" she hadn't turned to him… but still needed to know, "Why is there no recollection of the Queen? No tales or record? Or even a portrait?"

"That was of my doing," the King explained, taking a moment to steady himself on the balcony railing.

The revelation was unsurprising, but still stung a little across her lungs as if she were breathing the flames of Smaug himself. And she had to know, "Did you not want to remember her?"

"Remember her?" Thranduil laughed a little at the notion, "I didn't want to imagine she had ever existed! Even looking at…" the king faltered, turning his eyes to heaven in search of forgiveness, "… even looking at our son brought pain…"

The man was distraught; it took all the strength she had not to rush to his side…

"He looks like her, you know…" Thranduil admitted quietly, "I see her in his eyes… how he moves. I can hear her when he speaks… it took so many years before I could face him; our son. I was so weak…"

"You were not weak," she said, moving toward him and reaching for his hand.

The King smiled at the touch, covering her hand with his own in appreciation, "I have many faults; I am aware of them… this weakness is but one."

Tauriel smiled… the moment felt precious, there by his side… and the Captain of the guard momentarily forgot her place by allowing her hand to turn and interlock with his…

What was more, the King seemed to forget his place too, taking a moment to drag his fingers over hers before giving an appreciative flex.

"I was telling you of…" the name chocked in his throat… "She was a warrior," He smiled, tightly, "every bit as stern and passionate as you."

That took Tauriel by surprise…

"Though her hair was of my shade and her skin was pale…" he laughed, closing her eyes.

There was silence for a time before…

"I once told you I would not allow my son to marry a silvern elf," Thranduil recalled, "you may have thought I was being unkind or unjust… possibly cold to the calling of my sons heart."

"My Lord…"

"Thranduil," the King insisted, quietly… "please…"

Tauriel found herself fall into silence…

"When the darkness first came to the forest," he continued, "she was of much the same opinion as you; follow them to their nest and end them. She had the backing of my father and the guardsmen… and I could never have refused her. So we went to battle against the spiders and the forces behind them… those of Mordor and its followers."

The king paused for a while… and in that moment the pain in the air was tangible; it stung! And the knowledge of that loss, the understanding of all that could have been being ripped away… made her hurt.

Tauriel moved toward him… curving into his back in an attempt to comfort by sharing the same breath, the same heat, the same heartbeat…

"Gundabad…" Tauriel prompted…

"There had been so many battles," Thranduil heaved a breath… "So many triumphs with so little casualties… I had thought we could sustain anything… and then Gundabad. The forces of Angmar… we won…"

And for such a happy conclusion as success, Tauriel felt a shudder tremble through the body beneath her…

"We won," he insisted.

"But you lost her…" she whispered.

"And with her all my future," he curled further in on himself, "all hope," a sob ripped through him, "all faith in victory…"

And, to Tauriel, it made sense.

That was the point their king began to run from conflict; the day he began to mourn was the day he turned away from fighting for what was right… for committing his forces.

It made sense.

It was borne from loss.

It was so very basic, that she understood it; she could forgive it.

"All about me was death and suffering," he explained, "and at the core was my on grief. I couldn't lead like that… so I forbade the memory and vowed to never see such death visit my people again."

There were no words for loss that could ease the moment; Tauriel knew this. All she could do was hold him in the starlight and wish the time would pass.

After a while, Thranduil straightened, twisting slightly to place a hand on her arm so she might loosen and allow him to face her.

"Your kindness is appreciated…" he glanced to the floor, "It was so long ago… but it seems like only days passed."

"Will it ever heal?" She asked, surprising herself…

Thranduils startled expression met her questioning gaze, as the king resolved and answered, "Never fully."

How she wished he had lied to her; told her everything would be alright in time and she would soon look on the pain she felt as a distant and forgotten dream.

"That was not the answer you wished to hear?"

She smiled, it seemed her expressions betrayed her, "No."

His strong arms moved about her, folding her into his embrace as he swayed them both in the moonlight, "You will never heal fully, but you will grow to accept the loss as a reminder of the one who once filled that space in your heart. They will help your heart grow stronger and allow you to live and love in their memory and in their name…"

"You believe that?"

He laughed a little, giving her a squeeze, "Now I do."

And, perhaps he was right. Perhaps the strength in her heart was from Kili after all. Perhaps that meant he wanted her heart to go on beating and allow others the chance to find the happiness he had never explored with her in life.

But what others were there? Nobody came close to bridging the gap in her heart.

Then again, before Kili there had been no one to take that place to begin with. Perhaps he had shown her there was more to life than duty. Perhaps that was their fate.

Tariel looked to Thranduil, who had spent the entire time observing her in silence with an odd smile on his face, as though he himself had spent the same time coming to the thoughts that now ran through Tauriels mind…

"My Lord..?" She asked… but no sooner had the words left her lips were they replaced with the warmth of his breath and the tender press of a kiss from her King.

Tauriel took a moment to register the sensation; the firm but gentle circle of his arms urging her up and toward him as he placed a sedate and testing kiss on her…

And while she was shocked, not really knowing what to do, she had to admit that she wasn't surprised or even trying to move away.

He was kissing her.

The obvious thought began to grow steadily louder as her frozen form made no sign of movement toward or away…

Surely she had to do something; they couldn't stay forever like this…

But the more she tried to move, the more baffling her body became as it simply refused!

Eventually, Thranduil pulled away from her to look into her eyes, seeming unaware and unabashed by the incident. He reached out to stroke a strand of hair behind her ear, making her shiver, and he gave a light laugh…

Tauriel grew more and more bewildered… she had no idea now what she should be thinking or feeling… and the notion she should say something seemed strong, but the thoughts of what to say eluded her.

"Are you alright?" The King asked…

Such a simple question… Tauriel felt she should have a simple answer.

Was she alright?

No! But trying to articulate that was the difficulty.

There were a hundred reasons why the King of Mirkwood should not have been kissing her in the starlight; he was the King and she was a low-ranking Silvern elf, what if someone had seen them? How was she supposed to respond? They had just been speaking of loss and shouldn't they give their lost loves some respect by not acting on remorse? What about all the duties they both had to their people and to each other? And what of Legolas, his son?!

But for all of the reasons she found she was questioning his actions, none of them were even close to the idea she did not welcome his kiss.

_And so, _a little voice whispered to her_, if you are rejecting him because you don't want him then that is a fair and honest reason. But if you are rejecting him because of what others might think… haven't you learned that lesson by now?_

Hadn't she been afraid of what others would think with Kili? Hadn't she refused to go with him to Erebor out of duty when Legolas commanded her to leave? And what had she gained from those decisions?

The pain of not knowing what might have been was worse than anything they could have faced together.

So now, on the precipice, would she turn back or take the leap in the hopes he would catch her?


End file.
